Are you checking in?Īccording to a 2016 article published on Teen Vogue‘s website, there’s a strict emphasis on you and your partner not only giving each other enthusiastic consent before you have sex, but of continually checking in with your partner as you two engage sexually. Your consent checklist should account for all the variables, as Autostraddle and Bex Talks Sex’s checklists do, so there’s no cause for confusion going forward. There may be boundaries you and your partner want to keep in place now that you both might be open to renegotiating in the future. There are likely things you may want to leave room for consideration of in the future, but right now, you’re just not into it. Not everything on your checklist has to be an out-and-out yes or no. Meanwhile, the Bex Talks Sex checklist is a simple spreadsheet with columns divided into a hard/soft yes and hard/soft no, which touches on the crucial final element of your checklist: creating a key. Autostraddle’s checklist crucially notes various in-bed activities you and your partner might want to add to your consent checklist, including things like “Masturbating in front of each other,” “Phone sex” or “Blindfolding” and includes a section on discussing what you want to say to one another when it comes to giving and revoking consent. There are two worth considering as models from which to build your checklist for this phase, and they come courtesy of Autostraddle and Bex Talks Sex. If you and your partner want to use something like the Scarleteen checklist as your foreplay/clothes-on section, then why not consider adding in a section that describes specific sexual acts, toys and other items for when you two are intimate with one another. Notable points to consider adding to your checklist might include: “A partner touching me affectionately without asking first,” “Being looked at directly, overall, when I am naked” or “Touching a partner sexually without asking first.” There’s no confusion here about what each act requires, and the Scarleteen checklist also acts as a great suggestion for formulating the first phase of your consent checklist.īonus: Your checklist can be divvied up into phases or stages. Take one look through the one devised by Scarleteen and you’ll see that different kinds of sexual acts are clearly described so as not to lead to confusion. The checklist should be as thorough as possible. Luckily, you’re not totally at sea when it comes to creating a checklist there are already plenty of checklists out there in the world you and your partner can work off into order to create one tailor-made for you both.

Plus, you don’t want to negatively impact your partner or your relationship by surprising them with something unexpected when they are at their most vulnerable.ĭo you & your partner know what to put on your consent checklist? Establishing those limits and opening those doors to new, exciting adventures to have with your partner will make every enthusiastic yes even better. This stage is also the time to put on the table what you like to do and what you don’t like to do and what you absolutely do not want to do when you have sex. Now, you don’t have to go through the exact play-by-play, but just establishing that you two are both down for having sex, just engaging in a little bit of foreplay or maybe mixing it up by adding in something new is something that should be talked about. The talk we’re talking about it is sitting down with your partner (preferably with your clothes on) before any kind of foreplay or touching has gotten into the mix and talking about what you two expect to do together.

No, this isn’t about the birds and the bees. More: What the Aziz Ansari Allegations Teach Us About Our Limited Idea of ConsentĪnd so, with that in mind, let’s take a look at the benefits of creating a yes/no/maybe list with your partner to make sure you’re both safe and satisfied when you’re engaging in any kind of sexual activity.

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